Blank with shock, she stepped aside and let him enter. “Come in.”
He entered, and she watched him, still hardly able to believe he was here after all. His big shoulders seemed to eat up her tiny apartment. She wondered what he thought of her place. It was small and cluttered with books and miscellaneous objects that appealed to her. On one wall hung a map of the Roman Empire. On another, she had a row of delicate antique ginger jars. There weren’t many personal pictures; she owned no pets, she had no ex-boyfriends who had left their stamp. She wasn’t even a great housekeeper. How embarrassing. Swiping a messy throw off one of her chairs, Violet folded it nervously. “What are you doing here in Detroit again? I thought you were based out of New York.”
“I am. I was.” He scanned her apartment, then turned to look back at her. “I might be staying here for a while, though. Maybe for good.”
Her heart pounded as if she’d run a mile. “Oh? Why is that?”
“Because you’re here, Violet. If you’re here, this is where I want to be.” He moved toward her, stalking like some big, delicious predator, and took the trembling hand she had pressed to her lips and kissed her fingertips. “I know you said you didn’t want me to follow you. You said this wouldn’t work. That we were two different people. The thing is . . . I know we’re different.” His smile was soft, almost apologetic, even as his eyes devoured her face. “You’re not the same girl you were ten years ago, and I’m not the same idiot boy. I like to think I’ve learned from my mistakes. So this time, I’m not letting you go.”
“Y-you’re not?”
“I’m not. We’re doing this your way. However you want. If you want to ignore me for the next ten years, f**k me for one night, and then turn me out again, that’s how we’ll do this. Whenever, however you need me, I’ll be here.”
She flinched at his words. God, he made her sound so cold. She pulled her hand from his, hurting. “Jonathan, that’s not fair—”
“I don’t give a shit if it’s fair or not. I’m tired of trying to do the right thing if that means I don’t have you.” He moved forward and put his hands on her shoulders, ever so gently. “You don’t understand, Violet. I’m not saying this to hurt you. I’m telling you that I’m here for you, forever. Always. I know you’re scared of being hurt and disappointed. I know you’re afraid I’ll hurt you again and leave you abandoned. I know the only man in your life was your father, and he neglected you. I know your mother was lost in her own problems, and you’ve never had anyone to depend on. I’m here to tell you that I will be that person, Violet. I’m here. I’ll always be here for you. You can depend on me.” His thumbs brushed her shoulders and he gave her a tender look that made her ache inside. “Always.”
Violet’s lips trembled. A wealth of emotion threatened to erupt inside her. He wasn’t vowing intense, passionate love like he normally did.
He was promising to be by her side. Always.
And that was exactly what she needed to hear. What she needed so desperately and yet was terrified to ask for. “Jonathan—”
“Don’t turn me away, Violet. Please. Whatever capacity you want me in your life, I’ll be here. Even if it’s not as your lover. Even if you just want a friend, I’ll be here.”
Now the tears spilled down her cheeks. He was being so selfless. She didn’t deserve him, didn’t deserve his love. She was a wounded creature who had been deprived of love and affection so many times that she didn’t even know how to ask for it anymore. She didn’t know how to say yes, that’s great, thank you.
But the understanding look in Jonathan’s eyes told her that he knew that, too.
“I’m scared,” she told him softly, her voice wobbling. “Every time I love, I get hurt.”
“Sometimes love is about hurting, Violet.” He brushed the backs of his fingers over her cheeks, dashing away her tears. “But the pleasure in love is greater than the pain. So much greater. You just have to be willing to take that leap.”
“And what if, in ten years, we can’t make it work? What happens if we part then?”
“Then I’ve had ten years of your love. Ten years of glorious, wonderful memories, and I’ll regret not an iota of it. Every moment, every year, every hour matters. I’ve finally figured that out, now.” His mouth twisted in a wry smile. “Remember when I told you that the last ten years didn’t count? I was wrong. Because if we didn’t have the last ten years, I wouldn’t know what it was like to lose you. Without that, I might never have come here tonight, despite knowing that you didn’t want me here. I might never have tried again. I would have just gone on. Those ten years let me learn from my mistakes.”
Weeping openly now, Violet fell into his arms and snuggled against his chest. “I love you,” she blubbered, all snot and tears and braying sobs. “I love you and I’m so, so scared.” Her fingers curled into his jacket. “Just don’t leave me again.”
“You can’t get rid of me, love. I promise. No matter what, I’m yours.” He wrapped her in his arms and held her tightly while she cried out her emotions onto his jacket.
They remained like that for a long, long time, Violet struggling to compose herself, Jonathan’s hands moving over her shoulders, her arms, her hair. She wasn’t sure if it was because he was trying to soothe her, or if he just couldn’t get enough of touching her. Either way, she loved it. She loved his touch, and she never wanted to be without it again.
With one last sniff, Violet pulled away from him and took a step back, gazing up at his face. His unshaven, hollow-eyed, beautiful, wonderful face. “I do love you. I just . . . didn’t realize it until I pushed you out again.”
“I love you too, Violet. I loved the girl I met ten years ago, but I love the woman she is now even more.” His hand caressed her neck, drawing her closer, and when he brushed his lips against her mouth in the tenderest of kisses, she felt hope once more.
The world was suddenly full of hope.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” she whispered.
“I’m glad that you’re glad,” he murmured. “I figured you’d either listen to me or there would be a restraining order involved. I’m actually a little surprised it’s not the latter.”