Annoyingly, my cheeks got all warm, and I turned away, frustrated at my reaction. I stood and went over to my desk chair to sit down.
Cole chuckled. He pushed himself off the floor and walked closer to me, and the Shade at my shoulder pulled toward him. I wanted to hit it.
“Stay over there,” I said.
“Why?” He held his hands up, all innocent-like. “Does my nearness affect you? That’s what happens when you spend a century with someone.”
I had to keep him away, so when he’d gotten close enough, I scraped my fingers down the strings of his guitar, the resulting noise loud and disjointed. Anger flashed in his eyes as he jerked it away from me. Finally, a true reaction.
I smiled as if I had discovered some sort of weakness. “Leave me alone, Cole. I may be bound to the Tunnels, but I’m not bound to you anymore. You have no power over me.”
“You have no idea what I can do,” he said.
I leaned in closer and lowered my voice. “I’ve been with you for a hundred years. I know exactly what you can do.”
“Did you know I could still Feed off you?”
Before I could stop him, he grabbed behind my head, pulled me toward him, and kissed me. For a moment, I didn’t fight it. For a moment, I let him steal the deepest layers of my pain. Desperation replaced reason in my head. He seemed surprised that I hadn’t pulled back, and he briefly opened his eyes, searching my face. I didn’t move, and he kissed me again.
The moment became longer. With the touch of his lips, he literally removed my doubt, my guilt, my fears. I felt good for the first time in a long time. Cole could shield me from the pain of this world, and for that moment, I wanted to go with him.
No good-byes. No second chances. No disappointing the people I loved. Or at least I’d be in a place where I didn’t care if I disappointed anyone.
But it wasn’t real. And I’d been down that road before. I knew where it led. With my lips against his, I reached a conclusion I’d been trying to avoid: the easy path in this whole mess would be to go with Cole, and I couldn’t let myself make the easy choice. I had to make the right choice.
With all the strength I could muster, I pushed him away from me.
His face was as shocked as mine felt, and his cocky grin had disappeared completely. “Nik… I—”
I held my hand up. “Don’t. That had nothing to do with you.” I forced myself to look him in the eye. I spoke deliberately. “It will never happen again.”
His face grew hard, and he gave me a smile that made him look sinister. “We’ll see about that.” The smile stayed on Cole’s face as he climbed out my window. “One of these days you should sample the emotions floating all around you. If you let me, I can show you how.”
“I’d rather produce my own. I’ll never steal from others.”
“Never say never, Nik. I won’t.” He leaned his head against the window frame. “I’m not giving up on you.” He shoved the window down and disappeared.
My fingers clenched the edge of my desk. His words sounded like a threat.
TEN
NOW
Mrs. Stone’s classroom. Four months left.
The following day, Jack and I were sitting alone in Mrs. Stone’s classroom, working, when Cole made good on his promise. A boy, maybe a year older than me, showed up in the doorway. He was tall enough that with a few more inches, his head could have touched the top of the frame.
Jack looked up from his desk, his pencil halted midword.
“Nik? Is that you?” The boy’s voice wasn’t familiar.
His face wasn’t either. He looked like a typical teenager, with thick black hair that was purposely mussed up. His lanky body leaned against the doorjamb, casually. His ears had several piercings, as did his eyebrows, which framed dark, familiar eyes.
Eyes that didn’t belong here. Eyes that I would know anywhere.
It was Cole. No question. But he had somehow changed his appearance, down to his hair and his skin.
Whatever he’d done, though, he couldn’t change his dark eyes.
“Don’t you remember me?” His lips curled upward. “Neal? From the party?”
I could feel Jack’s gaze from beside me. I narrowed my eyes at Cole and shook my head.
“I’m not surprised, really. You probably don’t remember much from that night,” he said.
Mrs. Stone was out of the classroom. Cole probably timed it that way. I said a silent wish that she would return soon.
“You must have me confused with someone else,” I said in a quiet voice.
“I’m sure I don’t,” Cole said. “Nikki Beckett. Seventeen. Sweet. Great little tattoo on her shoulder that tastes faintly of … charcoal.”
My face flamed red and I could feel the tears behind my eyes, but they didn’t come. What would Jack be thinking? I could hear him tapping his foot beside me.
“Go away,” I whispered.
“That’s not a nice way to treat an old friend. I go to school here now. I’m going to graduate someday, just like you.” He took a few steps forward. “I’m gonna clean myself up. Just like you.”
I could sense Jack shifting in his seat next to me. I bit my lower lip, leaned down, and shoved my books into my backpack.
“You’re not giving up, are you, Nik?” Cole sang out, his voice an eerie melody.
I hoisted my bag over my shoulder, lowered my head, and scrambled to the door. He blocked the exit.
“Sorry, Nik,” he whispered, barely audible. “You forced my hand.”
“Let me go, Neal,” I said, using his fake name.
“If only it were that easy.”
“Let her by,” Jack called out from his seat at the back.
Cole set his gaze on Jack, a snide lip curl on his face. I knew that look.
I put my hand on his arm. “Don’t—”
“Quiet, Nik,” Cole cut me off, keeping his piercing gaze on Jack. “Listen, friend. Little Nikki here doesn’t want me to let her go. Trust me. She likes a guy to take charge.”
Jack pushed his chair back, and I knew I had to do something. I ducked my head and threw my weight against Cole’s arm, barreling my way past.
I didn’t stop running until I had reached my little red, rusted Rabbit. Once I was inside, I put my head against the steering wheel and took in some deep breaths as I thought of a harsh fact I didn’t want to face—if Cole was going to follow me everywhere, there was a good chance someone important to me would get hurt.
I shivered at the thought.
My bedroom.
“What was that?” I said, unable to keep my voice lowered. “How did you … change?”
It was later that night. Cole had shifted back to his regular form, blond hair and all. He waved his hand, as if he were swatting a fly. “It’s not a big deal. Sometimes we can use our energy to alter our appearance. It’s a waste, though. I only like to use it on special occasions.”
“And today was a special occasion? Making Jack think…” What? I had no idea what he thought about it, but it couldn’t be good.
I turned away from him and put my face in my hands. I wanted to hurt him.
He sat next to me on my bed, and when he spoke again, his voice was gentle. “I had to see what the big deal was. You Returned for this guy, but I have to admit, watching the two of you together… I’m just not seeing it.”
My eyes started to sting, even though I was sure I hadn’t recovered enough emotions to cry. I pulled my knees into my chest and rolled onto my side on the bed. “We’re not together. I only wanted to see him again. Before I go.”
“In that case, I did it for your own good, Nik,” he said. I couldn’t believe anything less right now. “Now that he knows what you’re really like, it’ll be easier to stay away from you. Besides, why would you want to live through pain like that? You’ll lose everything again.”
“What do you care?”
“I can’t explain the need to understand your heart. But I’ve been feeding off it for so long, it’s almost my own. I have to know, because it doesn’t make sense why you would choose to Return.”
“It wouldn’t to you.” I sighed.
“Tell me, Nik. Please.”
I pushed myself into a sitting position, feeling defiant. “You want to know how I could pull off lying to you for one hundred years about forgetting everything? Because I had his face behind my eyelids. And I thought if I could see him, even just for a day, it would be worth the hundred years. One day is all I deserved, and I’ve had so many already. I’ve won. I’ve won!”
He shook his head and looked at me as if I were delusional. As if I didn’t know what winning was all about. Then he put an arm around me and it was almost like he was mourning my life with me. “I don’t understand the things you would give up for mortal relationships.”
“You better hope you never do, Cole.”
“Why?”
“All you know about is the search for the next energy source. Your only relationship is with something you can Feed off. If you ever understood what you were missing…” I shook my head and realized how much I wanted him to understand. Maybe then he would feel, for the first time, real pain.
“Why don’t you help me understand, Nik?” He raised the corner of his mouth in a devilish smirk and tightened his grip around me.
I shook his arm away from my shoulders.
I remembered the first time I’d met Cole. On the other side of the hundred years. Did he know then that I’d end up following him? That I’d allow him to drag me to the Everneath?
LAST YEAR
February. One month before the Feed.
The line to get into Harry O’s extended all the way to the sidewalk on Main Street, and up around the Park City T-Shirt Company building. But Jules walked past everyone like she had a VIP badge or something.
More than a few freezing people gave nasty looks as we went by.
“Are you sure we can do this?” I asked Jules.
She grabbed my hand and pulled me along. “Yes. I told you. Sean said we just give our names to the guy at the door.”
Harry O’s was hard enough to get into on a regular night, but during the Sundance Film Festival, it would’ve been easier to break out of jail than to break into Harry O’s.
But Sean O’Neill was the great-grandson of the original Harry O. And he was in Jules’s pottery class. And he had a thing for blondes.
He told Jules she could bring a friend. Jack was more than happy to stay home and watch the Jazz play the Nuggets. This wasn’t his scene. It wasn’t mine, either, but Jules begged.
Jules hesitated only slightly when she saw the large bouncer at the door, a big, thick man dressed in a tight black T-shirt and black pants, with a clipboard in his hands.
“Um, hi. We’re supposed to give our names? Or something? Um… Julianna Taylor?”
He gave us a look that made me wonder if we were doing something totally illegal, and all I could think about was the fact that if we were arrested, my dad would never bail me out. But then he scanned his list, stopping his pen midway down.
“Julianna Taylor and guest.”
I smiled when he said “guest,” as if that were my name or something, but he didn’t notice. He unhooked the velvet rope. We were in.
The place was packed with the most decked-out people I’d ever seen. The music blared, and I could feel the thrum of the base all the way to my heart. A few private booths with curtains lined the sides of the room, to accommodate the ultra-famous people.
Now that I was here, I realized I probably wouldn’t see one other person I knew. There was nowhere to sit. Fewer places to stand. And even though I’d worn my best club outfit—okay, my only club outfit—I felt like an orphan out of Oliver Twist compared to everyone else. Jules scanned the crowd, probably thinking the same thing. Maybe I should’ve stayed home. Watched the game with Jack.
“Look! There’s Meredith Jenkins.” Jules was pointing across the room to a large table of people. “How did she get in?”
Jules caught Meredith’s eye and waved to her. Meredith nodded and then turned to the girl next to her, a girl I didn’t know.
“Let’s go over,” Jules said.
“Um, she wasn’t exactly inviting us.”
Jules shrugged. “Where else are we going to go?”
We could just go home, I thought, but I followed Jules over. Meredith smiled as we approached, but she definitely wasn’t making room for us or anything.
“Hi, Julianna, Nikki. How did you get in?” She didn’t sound rude. Just curious.
“Sean put us on the list,” Jules answered.
A few awkward moments passed, and I considered pulling Jules away and making a break for the exit, when a guy on the other side of the table stood up. And then I knew why Meredith was acting weird.
The guy was tall, dressed in a black T-shirt and jeans that looked distressed, but the kind of distressed that cost a lot of money. And I knew him. Not personally, but I knew who he was. I had both of his CDs at home, and his blond hair left no doubt in my mind. He was the guitarist for the Dead Elvises. Cole.